You Can't Date That Alex: The Reckoning

Alex, Alex, Alex... you never cease to amaze me. She has yet another crush on a fictional character. Once again, let's go down the list of characters she's masturbated to...

• Stewie
• Dogbert
• Kang from The Simpsons
• The Warden from Superjail
• Rick Sanchez

And now the latest unfortunate soul?


Wooldoor.

Yeah, the weird yellow thing from Drawn Together. Remember that show? I wish I couldn't...
We have a baby, a dog, an alien, two grown men, and now a whatever-the-fuck-this-thing-is.

Alex, you are a pre-teen girl. You should be fawning over things like One Direction or whatever is on the No Man's Land that is the Disney Channel. Not fictional characters from shows you shouldn't be watching. I have told you time and time again that you need to grow the fuck up and stop living in this fantasy world where you can escape the trials and tribulations of pregnancy (like you'll ever get laid...) and anything that's classified as a male will fall head over heels for you.

There is an easy solution for this situation. Get off your computer and GO OUTSIDE. The sun misses you! Somewhere out there is someone (!) who can put up with your loony antics.

Oh Alex...

This might be the fastest I've seen one of her accounts go down. For those who haven't noticed, Alex somehow managed to get back on dA even after her IP address was banned. Naturally she went into egotistical mode and claimed she beat the system.

Then I was informed by some watchers and told dA again. Her account, named DipsyNoodles (she's starting to get into Teletubbies. God help us all.), was only active for at least TWO DAYS. This isn't about her obsessions or mpreg fetish anymore, its ban evasion now.

And according to her Tumblr, she can't make another account until August. Hopefully she will learn her lesson by then. SPOILER ALERT: She won't.

EDIT: She got her account back. FUCK.

Alex is down.

Yup. Alex deactivated yet another account of hers. She normally does this whenever she changes her fake ass hubby. But I'm one step ahead of her. I told dA officials about her ban evasions and told them to track her I.P. address so she can't create another account on her computer. So don't expect to see dogbertwaifu4eva as an account name anytime soon. Hopefully.

UPDATE: I discovered her Tumblr account. Seems she also has a hatred for the Poohphiles. Doesn't make her any better though. I'll share anything interesting if something arises.

You Can't Date That Alex: 5/20/2014

Oh Alex, I don't know what it is about you that intrigues me, but it's probably that mind of yours that makes you think you can date/marry/fuck any cartoon character no matter what they are and expect THEM to get pregnant. The fact you switch cartoon characters in the blink of an eye also makes you something of a whore, but I'm trying to help you here. So let's see who you've tried to woo unsuccessfully...

First, as far as my knowledge of you goes, is Stewie Griffin. Not only is he a baby, he would probably kill you just thinking about gettin' it on with a teenager. Even if he did, you'd end up just like Olivia when he finds out you moved onto...

Kang, one of the aliens from The Simpsons. I've never seen hentai but I'm pretty sure that's what was on your mind when you picked him to be your fuck buddy. Either that or anal probing. It was around here when I got more vocal towards her about getting off the damn internet and find a real boyfriend. But instead you chose...

Rick from Rick and Morty. I've never watched the show, but judging from previews I see of upcoming episodes, he doesn't think highly of women. He's in his 50's or 60's. He could be old enough to be your grandfather. I thought she went off the edge here, but now she's starting to turn her eyes on...

Dogbert from the Dilbert comics. First we have pedophilia, then tentacle hentai, then whatever you call the opposite of pedophilia, and now bestiality! I don't even know why you decided to start getting attracted TO A FUCKING DOG!

You know, I'd LOVE to see fanart of all her past crushes coming together to hold an intervention. Kinda like that Valentine's Day episode of Family Guy where all of Brian's past exes return and start telling him off. I'd pay to see that in a museum. If someone does though, add a few dozen empty chairs, I have a feeling she'll be adding more and more fictional characters to those chairs...