Sunday, September 7, 2014

You Can't Date That Alex: The Reckoning


Alex, Alex, Alex... you never cease to amaze me. She has yet another crush on a fictional character. Once again, let's go down the list of characters she's masturbated to...


  • Stewie
  • Dogbert
  • Kang from The Simpsons
  • The Warden from Superjail
  • Rick Sanchez
And now the latest unfortunate soul?


Wooldoor.

Yeah, the weird yellow thing from Drawn Together. Remember that show? I wish I couldn't...
We have a baby, a dog, an alien, two grown men, and now a whatever-the-fuck-this-thing-is.

Alex, you are a pre-teen girl. You should be fawning over things like One Direction or whatever is on the No Man's Land that is the Disney Channel. Not fictional characters from shows you shouldn't be watching. I have told you time and time again that you need to grow the fuck up and stop living in this fantasy world where you can escape the trials and tribulations of pregnancy (like you'll ever get laid...) and anything that's classified as a male will fall head over heels for you.

There is an easy solution for this situation. Get off your computer and GO OUTSIDE. The sun misses you! Somewhere out there is someone (!) who can put up with your loony antics.


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8 comments:

  1. UnknownSeptember 7, 2014 at 2:04 AM

    .....Drawn Together? Wooldor? .......i...i can't even..

    ReplyDelete
  2. UnknownSeptember 7, 2014 at 7:03 AM

    I...I don't- wtf even? Alex,can't you just pick ONE normal HUMAN crush that is in your age group or isn't a 55 year old man?! Honestly,it shouldn't be THAT hard. -.-

    ReplyDelete
  3. UnknownSeptember 7, 2014 at 8:34 AM

    Right, that's it. I'm done with her. Where's the Green Goblin when you need him?

    ReplyDelete
  4. AnonymousSeptember 12, 2014 at 10:51 PM

    This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  5. NitwitSeptember 27, 2014 at 5:32 PM

    Please kill me! http://youtu.be/AlTtRsUseSc

    ReplyDelete
  6. UnknownDecember 23, 2014 at 6:11 PM

    This is why loving an anime character is sane. Not really, but when it comes to shit like this...... yeah.

    ReplyDelete
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  8. Amber AlviaDecember 20, 2022 at 8:04 AM

    Alex isn't a preteen, She's a 13 year old teenager, Besides, Preteens are from 10-12 years old, not 10-13 years old. But teenagers and preteens masturbating isn't uncommon, It's natural. She should have normal teenage girl things like going to the mall, Hanging out with friends or calling them, but a lot of early teens watch adult shows isn't uncommon, though.

    ReplyDelete

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